Projection

What is projection?
And why does it matter in therapy?

Sometimes we carry emotions or traits that feel too dangerous to admit, even to ourselves. So instead of owning them, we locate them in other people. That’s projection.

It isn’t always conscious. But it often shows up in the form of judgment, rumination, or strong emotional reactions that feel hard to shake.

I often put it this way:
“The things people do that get under our skin often mirror parts of ourselves we haven’t learned to tolerate.”

Here’s one example:
If you were taught that confrontation is wrong or scary, you might avoid directness in yourself and label others as “mean.” That judgment can help you feel safer. It allows you to identify with being kind or easygoing, and to keep the more threatening qualities outside of your identity.

Projection doesn’t mean those traits define you.
The attributes we project onto others aren’t always defining traits in ourselves. They’re often just the ones we fear would harm us if they were true. So instead of acknowledging the trait, your mind moves it somewhere else. That can create distance, but it often comes at a cost.

Projection can also show up when you assume others are judging you, when in fact you’re judging yourself. Or when you feel easily irritated by someone’s neediness, even though a part of you longs to be taken care of too.

Working with projection isn’t about blaming yourself instead of others. It’s about noticing what you’ve had to disown in order to feel acceptable or safe. When you begin to understand that process, you open space for something new.

Self-acceptance leads to less projection. And with less projection comes less judgment, more peace, and often more meaningful connection with others.