What is Projection and Why Does It Matter?

Written by Peter Cappon, LPC, founder of Mend Counseling, a psychotherapy practice offering in-person and online therapy.

Sometimes we carry emotions or traits that feel too dangerous to admit, even to ourselves. Instead of owning them, we locate them in other people. This is projection. It is one way the mind protects us from qualities we learned were unacceptable or unsafe.

Projection is not always conscious. It often shows up as judgment, rumination, or strong emotional reactions that feel disproportionate or hard to shake. In therapy, especially relational and trauma-informed work, these moments are worth paying close attention to. They often point toward parts of ourselves we have learned to keep out of awareness.

I often describe it this way. The things people do that get under our skin frequently mirror parts of ourselves we have not learned to tolerate. That reaction is not accidental. It is meaningful.

For example, if you were taught that confrontation is wrong or dangerous, you might avoid directness in yourself and experience others as mean or aggressive. That judgment helps you feel safer. It allows you to identify as kind or easygoing, while keeping more threatening qualities outside of your sense of self.

Projection does not mean those traits define you. The qualities we project onto others are not always central characteristics. They are often the parts we fear would cause harm or rejection if they were acknowledged. Moving them outside of ourselves can create distance and relief, but it often comes at a cost.

Projection can also show up when you assume others are judging you, when in fact you are judging yourself. Or when you feel irritated by someone’s neediness, while a quieter part of you longs for care as well. These patterns come up frequently in individual therapy, where they can be explored with curiosity rather than criticism.

Working with projection is not about blaming yourself instead of others. It is about noticing what you have had to disown in order to feel acceptable or safe. As you begin to understand that process, something often softens.

Greater self acceptance tends to lead to less projection. This often involves coming to terms with the parts of ourselves we would rather disown, what some people refer to as shadow work. When those parts no longer need to be hidden, relationships tend to feel clearer and more grounded.